Communication is key to any relationship and without it the relationship can suffer considerably. There are times, however, when there are breakdowns in communication, where the reasons given seem reasonable…and times when they are not. You meet, things rock and roll, and everything seems to be flowing toward taking a boat ride in the tunnel of love. You talk every night before going to bed, you text off and on throughout the day, you leave “love” comments on Facebook and Twitter and then one day, the bottom falls out of your world because he did not text you, call you or comment you back.
So many clients call me to ask when “BOB” will call since they have not heard from him for XX weeks. We can certainly look at when he is going to call, but I think the real issue at hand is to uncover why he is not calling. Is there a problem in the relationship, has he pulled back or is he simply ‘away in no man’s land’ for a while? Sometimes he truly does have something else to focus on and men, for the most part, believe it or not, can multi-task as effectively as women. It is just not happening. However, what you do and how you do it will define how your relationship progresses… or not. So please think very carefully before you act.
So what do you do when he goes into hibernation mode? Do you call him, text him, show up at his house asking him what is wrong? Is he mad at you? How can you help? NO! Leave him alone. Don’t pry, don’t try to get him to open up and don’t try to help him fix anything because it will just cause him to retreat further. And please don’t use this as the time to talk about the relationship to get your own validation about where things are headed with the two of you. Go and do something else for a while. Exercise. Read a Book. Hell, write a book. Do a craft project. Anything…just keep your mind from focusing, thinking, and obsessing about him.
When our significant other, or someone we are dating, pulls back from us it can fire off all of our insecurities, but now is time to focus on yourself. Spending your evenings stalking him on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, driving by his house, etc., is not going to give you any answers, even though you think they might. The answers are only “half” answers anyway. Do you really have nothing better to do with your time? Invest this time in yourself. You deserve it and you are worth it. Watch a chick flick. Or if you are like me, a horror flick. Learn to crochet. Take some online courses. Develop yourself. YourSELF.
So many times clients call me and ask, “But doesn’t he realize he is going to lose me if he doesn’t call me? Doesn’t he miss me? Doesn’t he realize it has been 3 days, 24 hours and 2 minutes since we saw each other?” Honestly, he does not. Whatever it is, whatever he is going through, analyzing, thinking about, tinkering with or working through has his head in a vise grip. Yes, he is being selfish. Yes, he is being self absorbed, but you know what? You should be too!
Most of the time, after the pull back period, your guy will come forward again. Nine times out of ten he was recharging, refreshing, renewing while he was in his “man cave” doing his “‘man thing” which often involves male bonding and quite possibly some bodily functions we don’t want to discuss. When he comes back around he might try to pick it up right where he left off, as if no time has passed because in his mind, which is ruled by man-time, no time has. Sometimes he will give you an explanation, but I would hesitate in demanding an explanation from him.
Try mirroring his behavior. Be the reflective goddess, and please don’t give more to him than he is giving to you as it will throw the relationship further out of balance. Use this time rather to focus on your own dreams, inspirations and personal growth.
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